~Friday Funnies ~ Saturday

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy , M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dummy!"

For more laughs, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

We are supposed to be going to the lake tomorow. I say supposed because we are also supposed to be getting a portion of this snowstorm. Mom sold the lake property and we are going to go down to finish loading/packing/cleaning tomorrow. Please pray for safe travels and also as we finish this chapter of our family's life.

~Friday Funnies~

Lawyers Girl

Once, there was a lawyer. This lawyer had a wife and a little girl who he loved. He made a good living and pretty satisfied with life.

He was surprised when his daughter began avoiding him one day. Goodnight kisses stopped. Hug were few and far between. She never sat on her father's lap and practically refused to listen to bedtime stories from him.

The lawyer began to get more than a little frustrated with this behavior and decided to talk to his daughter about it. He brought it up with her.

She wouldn't talk to her father and so she wrote a note to be given to him via her mother.

When the lawyer read the note, he was a bit shocked. This is what it read:

"Mindy's dadee sayz that lawyers suk the blood ouwt of aneeone thay come close to. i dont want yu to suk mi blod, so dont come clos to me pleas. thank yu. sophie."

For more laughs, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

I don't know anything yet about my interview, actually my 3rd interview with this one law firm. My thoughts on this interview process with this firm is, like the old saying, "fish or cut bait."

Tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. CST I have an interview with a different firm. I think, just maybe, in the last 2 weeks, I've had more interviews than the rest of my working days. Probably not, but I'm getting up there.

Thanks for your continued support and mostly for the prayers.

Have a great Friday!

Cheryl

~Hint and Answer~ More Interviews

I'm going to go ahead with the Hint and the answer to the below Friday Funnies:

HINT
The title is a clue, and the last three letters in the quote are different.

ANSWER
To decipher: put a space after every 2 letters. Except for the last three letters. Leave them be: olts - ol ts. nia - nia. Then, switch the two (or three) letters around: ol ts - lo st. Nia - ain. Repeat for the next letters: lo st ti me is ne ve rf ou nd ag ain. Put them together, minus spaces: losttimeisneverfoundagain. Then, look at the title: 4, 4, 2, 5, 5, 5, 8, 8... they represent letters before a space: lost time is never found again. Use this rule (this time, all letters are the same) for the last part.

It now should read:
Lost time is never found again.

-Benjamin Franklin.

The attorney from my interview on Thursday would like to offer me a job. I potentially have another interview with him today because I have some more questions. They do have some good perks such as getting off at 2:30 each Friday, but it is a little longer commute.

But, I have another job interview at 1:15 CST with another firm that I am more familiar with, closer to home. This is the type of area I have worked in before.

Thanks for your prayers!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

This is a quote by a very famous person. Can you decipher it? I won't include capitals in the cipher.

"oltsitemsienevfruodngania."

-ebjnmanirfnalkni

I'll give you a hint Friday at Noon, and then the answer at 6:00.

For more laughs, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

I had a job interview today. More details later.

Happy Friday!
Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

The "illusion" is that this is just a picture of coffee beans; but it is not. Can you find a man's face among the beans? Some say that if you find the man in 3 seconds or less, the right half of your brain may be more well developed than most
This is NOT a Trick

For more laughs, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

Have a great weekend!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

I'd stop eating chocolate, but Im NO quiter!

I’m not fat. I’m just FLUFFY!

How to be Annoying

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

* Drum on every available surface.

* Sing the Batman theme constantly.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

* Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

* Set alarms for random times.

* Honk and wave to strangers.

* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

* Pay for your dinner with pennies.

* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

* At the laundry mat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

* Name your dog "Dog."

* Ask people what gender they are.

* Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."

* Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

* Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

* Mow your lawn with scissors.

* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

* Never make eye contact.

* Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

* Make appointments for the 31st of November.

* Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Now, if you are interested in the chance at winning some jewelry, see the post below!

For more Friday Funnies, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

Have a great weekend!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

The Lost Preacher
A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.

The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Do you think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"

Ice Fishing
There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."

So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.

In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."

The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."

For more Friday Funnies, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart

Have a great weekend!
Cheryl

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

Locked Car Door
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that her the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"

What do you think of this necklace and earrings. I made them earlier this week.

For more Friday Funnies, see Kim at Homesteaders Heart

Have a great weekend.!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~Fashion

For More Friday Funnies, see Kim @ Homesteaders Heart.

Have a great weekend!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

Little old church painted


It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"

Enjoy! Have a great weekend!

For more Friday Funnies, see Kim @ Homsteaders Heart

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
****************************************************
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"
**************************************************
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
*************************************************
Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
**************************************************

If you are up for more, head over to Kim @ Homsteaders Heart

Have a Fabulous Friday and weekend.

~Friday Funnies~

The Confession Session
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

Church Bloopers
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

For more Friday Funnies see Kim at Homesteaders Heart
Have a GREAT FRIDAY!
Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

For more Friday Funnies see Kim at Homesteaders Heart

Have a GREAT FRIDAY!

Cheryl

~Friday Funnies~

You can click on the picture to enlarge and see it better.

I think Kim at Homesteaders Heart had a great idea for Friday. By the time they roll around, we usually need a good laugh.

Check out some other Friday Funnies!

Have a blessed, safe, fun-filled weekend!

Love,
Cheryl